Satan wasn't bad

Here's an excerpt from a poem written by Elder Orson F. Whitney of the Quorum of the Twelve:


"Father!" the voice like music fell,
Clear as the murmuring flow
Of mountain streamlet trickling down
From heights of virgin snow,
"Father," it said, "since One must die,
Thy children to redeem
From worlds of all formless now and void,
Where myriad life shall teem;

"And mighty Michael foremost fall
That mortal man may be;
And chosen Savior yet must send,
Lo, here am I -- send me!
I ask, I seek no recompense,
Save that which then were mine;
Mine be the willing sacrifice,
The endless glory Thine!"

Still rang that voice, when sudden rose
Aloft a towering Form,
Proudly erect as lowering peak
'Lumed by the gathering storm;
A presence bright and beautiful,
With eye of flashing fire,
A lip whose haughty curl bespoke
A sense of inward ire.

"Send me!" -- coiled 'neath his courtly smile
A scarce-concealed disdain --
"And none shall hence, from Heaven to Earth,
That shall not rise again.
My saving plan exception scorns.
Man's will? -- nay, mine alone.
As recompense, I claim the right
To sit on yonder Throne!"

I'm not really buying this version of what happened. I believe Satan was a very beloved son of Heavenly Father's. He was pretty high up on the totem pole, so to speak. I don't think he had disdain for Michael's idea. I think he was probably a bit jealous over not being the favorite son & wanted some of that power & light, but I don't think he was initially a bad spirit. He's certainly proved himself to be the opposite of his brother since his idea (& in essence him) being rejected.

I don't invite anything in that would help me gain a better understanding of Satan & why he does the things he does. Why he's chosen the path he's chosen. Maybe it was something he was meant to do, just as Christ was foreordained to be our Savior. Something to think about.....

The interesting & not so fun

We had the missionaries over for dinner tonight. They called this morning to remind us, which is good because I'd completely forgotten. So instead of going to see the new Bourne movie with Dave, we stayed home & cleaned. Fun, fun.

I'm glad we spent the day cleaning, though. It'll be that much less work to do in the next few days, as I get ready for Dave's mom, Vickie, & her husband, Keith, who are coming in town on Friday for Tyler, Jordan, & Logan's birthday parties. Now, if I can manage to maintain it I'll be doing great!

I read the bible a bit tonight. It's been a long time since I've opened it up. My quad was sitting next to me on the couch, just looking at me. I thought out loud, it has my name on it, yet I know so little about it! That's just wrong!! So, I broke it open & started reading about the Revelations of John in the Bible dictionary. Very interesting stuff!!

I remember asking my dad, when I was little & my mom accidentally killed my older brother Travis' pet hamster, if there were animals in heaven. He told me there was, but I never fully believed him because, well, how could he really know? Tonight I actually read where it says animals will be resurrected & that they live in heaven!

After recounting this to Dave, he goes on to tell me that all the animals & plants.....everything......chose to come to Earth. !?What!? This is new to me!! What do you mean they "chose"??? So, now I'm off to check this out, because I'm back to the same issue I had with my Dad when I was little. How can he know that?

I'll be finding out the answer to that & adding more info as I find it. Truly interesting stuff!!

What a day!

I joined the aerobics group some ladies at church put together. Today was my second day & I have to say MAN!! Amanda Taylor is a slave driver!!! And she has issues with lying & counting. First she tells us 8 more but after 8 she adds several more on & at times loses count of how many are actually left. Typical aerobics instructor. LOL

Since Ty's at Scout Camp, I put Jo & Lo in the nursery hoping to be able to get some time without them. It worked for about 30 minutes, which was very pleasing to me, but then they decided they would rather be with me. I was trying to hear what Amanda, the instructor, was saying but Jo kept talking to me. I had to keep asking him "now what did you say, Jo??" many times because I was trying to focus on the daunting task of moving my arms & legs at the same time. At one point he shouted at me so I'd hear what he had to say. It was "you're doing great, Mom!". :) Cute stuff!

Logan wanted to do some kicks & knee lifts with us, which was also quite cute. He kept getting in to other peoples things though, which was a bit frustrating. Jordan helped me out by doing crunches with me, which was very nice.

On a less than happy note, my best friend told me today they're planning on moving to Idaho (where she's from) before the end of the summer. I'm happy for her because I really feel like it's a great opportunity for them. I'm also jealous because I wish it were our time, too, & we had some kind of opportunity as well. And I'm sad because I'll miss her so much. She was the first person I met here in Las Vegas & kids are great friends & she's been the closest, healthiest friendship I've ever had. It all leaves me feeling torn & I don't feel like I can talk about it much yet without tearing up. Sucks.

Been a while

There's not enough hours in the day. And why can't my body manage on less sleep? Maybe that was to teach me some patience. I dunno.

Ty's at Scout camp. They left yesterday just after Sacrament meeting. He's called me twice since to tell me he loves me. :) Man, just when I think he probably doesn't need his momma much anymore, he throws me a curve ball. I love that boy!

Jordan has gonked his head twice in the past month. One requiring just a butterfly bandage but the other sent us to the ER for 9 stitches! Right in the middle of his forehead, too.

Preschool is all wrapped up for the year. That was a good experience. Now I'm wondering what to do for next year. A friend who did the co-op with us this year wants to do it again for next year since we both won't be sending our boys to Kindergarten for another year.

Logan finally figured out how to say yes. Funny kid! He doesn't actually say it, but nods his head in a strange way. He doesn't quite have the nod down & it sometimes goes all over the place, which is truly amusing.

Hayleah is sitting up on her own now. She's also become very talkative. And loud. I wouldn't have it any other way (for now ;) )!

A beautiful gift

I finished the casting over the weekend & couldn't wait to deliver it. I'm sure it was bittersweet for Keenan's family. I took it to them Saturday but was unable to be there for the "unveiling". I'm sure it was touching. I did speak with his mom briefly yesterday. She cried, I cried....what a beautiful gift.

"Thank you for it not being Easter"

Kids are funny. Without them I doubt there would be an America's Funniest Home Videos or chuckles at the dinner table when they're saying the prayer. Jordan, my 4 year old, always wants to say the prayer. He's very good at them, often changing up what he says, which is impressive for only being 4. Since last Sunday, every prayer he says includes how thankful he is for Easter so Dave told him tonight before he started saying the prayer that it wasn't Easter anymore so he didn't need to say anything about it in the hopes he might say something different tonight. He did.

"Dear Heavenly Father......thank you for it not being Easter last night" (everything is last night). I couldn't hold it in. Thankfully he didn't notice & went on to say a beautiful prayer.

Aaah, kids. :)

The County Fair

Yesterday we made our way up to Logandale/Overton for the county fair. I don't know why I thought it'd be all giant belt buckles & 10 gallon hats & bull riding & tractor pulling (all things I do not love, in the least). It was actually fun! The kids had such a great time. There was room to run, rides to ride, games to play & the food....oh, the food!! We spent way more than we should have, but it's not something we do often & the kids enjoyed themselves so much. It was hard to drag them out 6 hours after our arrival.

As a side note, the little boy whose casting I did last week passed away the next day. I feel so badly for the family. The castings came out beautifully. I'll have to take pictures & post them here.

We wound up buying a new computer the other night after ours went ca put. One of the main files was corrupted & it was really old & really slow so we decided to upgrade & work on transferring the files from the old computer to the new one when we get a chance.

My mom called last night when we were getting ready for bed to tell me airline rates were on the way back up & she wanted to book something to come out before that happened. She'll be coming out the first of next month, which I'm glad about. I've missed her, though she was just here in December & January. Babies change so quickly, so she's missed a lot already with Hayleah's development. She missed a lot with both Logan & Jordan, too, & I think she feels badly about that. There's not much she could have done with her health in the state it was in when the two boys were babies. It's hard for grandma's to live far away, I think.

Holding my children closer tonight

Today has been incredibly long. Though I did manage to sleep in until about 8 a.m. (*gasp!*), the rest of the day I've been running around or hurring up & just so I can wait. The breaks, which I had been told at a brake place, on my van needed a major overhaul so I headed to the dealership to get it taken care of. According to the tech's at the dealership, though, I was lied to & almost robbed of the $650 Just Brakes wanted to charge me for the nothing that was wrong. I'm glad I listened to the voice in my head telling me to get another opinion!

While in the waiting room, attempting to be patient while my van was being diagnosed, I received a call from a lady who works for Candle Lighters. I have a memory casting business & I take molds of childrens (mostly babies) hands & feet & cast them with plaster so the parent can have a 3-D image of their child's hand or foot. Anyhow, she said their was a family near me with an 8 y.o. son who has terminal cancer & they want some castings done. I didn't realize at the time how urgent it was. Keenan (the boy with cancer) was very close to leaving this world, according to his mom whom I spoke with later. She wanted to know if I'd still do the molds if he was gone by the time I got there. It was that close to his time. I got in to this business because I believe parents deserve to have something they can touch & feel & hold of their child, whether living or not, that captures the moment. I especially feel it's important for me to do this for parents who have lost their little one, though this was my first terminal child to cast, no matter how hard it is on my tender heart.

I'm amazed at the love & comfort I felt in this home. The family was LDS & there was lots of grandparents & aunts & uncles & children there, surrounding him with their love. Life didn't stop, at that moment, for the rest of the family. There were still things that needed to be done & kids that needed to be given attention & cared for. They all pulled together to do what needed to be done so his mom & dad could spend as much time with their baby for as long as possible.

The Spirit was so strong in this home. Normally, I do the castings & leave. I'm glad they don't take long...I want to leave. In this home, though, I wanted to stay & be with this family. I ended up staying several hours to get the three castings they wanted. I felt at home here....like this was exactly where I should be. There was something very right about the time I was able to spend with them in their home, talking with them & enjoying their company.

My heart is heavy for this family. Though I know Keenan is about to leave this world for some place much better, the pain this family will feel upon his departure weighs on my heart. The thought that that could easily be one of my children makes me so grateful for their health & it makes the love I feel for them burn so much stronger than it did before getting the privledge of meeting this family. Sometimes it takes a glimpse of how it could be to realize how good it already is.

Gossipers & Haters

Last night, while talking with my closest friend Onala, I found out there's a girl who's been talking trash about me. While I'm not so naive to believe no one ever talks about me, the fact that what she had to say was negative & hateful kind of surprised me. I expect others will say I'm odd or that I do things differently, but that I'm a nice person who cares about others & serves others as best she can. This doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I'm proud to say I'm not a "sheep". What really surprised me was that her attack on me was because she disliked me. I can totally understand people thinking I'm a bit nutty for some of my beliefs (natural birth, home birth, home schooling, baby wearing, co-sleeping, etc...), but actually disliking me is rare, I think. Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty easy going & easy to get along with. I'm a bit reserved because I know many don't have the same belief's as me, but am always willing to help or offer humble advice where there's a need. Overall, I think I'm a good person.

For the sake of anonymity (that's funny...like any one's reading LOL), or maybe because I really can't remember this girl's name, we'll call her Rebecca. I met Rebecca about a year ago at a Stake dinner. She & I got into a bit of an argument about some natural health advice I gave a friend of mine who was sitting at our table & after explaining the science behind it, I determined Rebecca was one of those people who need to be right. I can't even remember what we were in a disagreement over, just that I left that night with a feeling of dislike for this girl who acted like she couldn't possibly be wrong & spoke negatively of people (the Primary kids in particular) in her ward, which happened to be my old ward. I remember she was quick & witty, but cutting in her comments & that she had a comment & opinion about everything. As I said, I quickly figured out she was the type of person that had to "win" in their debates, I told her it was okay that she didn't agree with me & that I didn't have to agree with her either.

I know how pointless it is to argue a point with a close minded person, so I didn't want to go any further. I'm not interested in drama for the sake of drama & I dropped it. I hadn't really thought about it since that night but apparently she's still holding onto it. I feel bad for her because she wastes so much on this dislike for me. And I wonder who else has had to feel her "wrath" when they don't agree with her & say so. She seemed to be a bit of a bully, only having people around her who don't stand up to her. Don't get me wrong....I fully understand not wanting to rock the boat or feel like you don't have it in you to stand up for another person when it means you'll likely get buried in mean spirited quick whit. I feel just as badly for those who are around her & feel like they should hold their tongue for fear of becoming one of those she talks about negatively behind their backs.

What touched me was that my friend was so insulted on my behalf, she left shortly after the comments were made. It made me feel really special that she would stand up for me, in the best way she could. She didn't have the perfect come-back for the nasty remarks at that moment & that's okay. She left, sending a clear message she wanted no part of the bashing that was going on, nor did she appreciate others speaking of her friend in a bad way when they didn't even know her (me). She is the type of person who doesn't do well with confrontation. Like me, it often makes her sick to be in the midst of contention. I'm touched she cares about me enough to silently make a point to that particular group of gossipers. I love my friend. :)

Field trip!

Today we took a field trip to see the inner workings of Peter Piper Pizza. It was my week to teach the kids in our preschool co-op & I decided we needed a little break from the usual. We went to a new location &, because we were their first tour, were toured, fed, watered & tokened free of charge! I love free stuff. :)

The boys all had a great time. It was better than Chuck E Cheese because, when the tokens ran out, there was one of those play structures with slides for the kids. Normally, I hate those things. A friend once told me a story about how her son went up in one at McDonald's & took off his poopy diaper & made himself a little art project right inside the play place. *shudder* I've never felt the same way about them since. I think I'll close with that thought....I need to go wash my hands.

Laughing at myself

Sometimes I do the dumbest things, not even realizing what I've done until much later because I'm so distracted. I took Tyler to the dentist the other day only to get home, after running to a few stores, hours later to find Dave wearing a mismatched pair of flip flops while outside watching our younger boys play. It took me a moment, after laughing at how absurd it was for him to not even take the time to match his shoes, to realize I was wearing the other "pair". *blush*

Sweet inspiration

Yesterday at church, we had some great speakers. They're new to the ward but I had previously met the mom at playgroup a few weeks back. She spoke of how Satan can ensnare us little by little & steal from us one of the most important things God has given to us. She said if our lives are so filled with the sounds of the tv, radio, gameboys, movies, etc., we won't be able to hear the Spirit when he speaks to us. Though some of us will continue to go to church faithfully, Satan is okay with that. He can steal something else that was so lovingly given to us....our time. When we fill our lives with so many things that we don't find we have any time to commune with Heavenly Father, or allow Him to speak to us through the scriptures, we are robbed. When we take on too many things in our lives & fill our days up with little more than what is required to get by, we are robbed.

Satan is sneaky with his ways. I need to remember this always &, when things seem hardest & most filled with mundane things that don't really matter & my spiritual progress falls by the wayside, I'll be strengthened.

Megan (the speaker) did an awesome job & it felt so good to hear her story of conversion. It was a great deal like mine. We both grew up in the church but fell away & were later converted. I'm so glad to know her & feel a connection to her.

I'm so glad, also, I went to church yesterday. My attendance has been waning lately. I tried to get Dave to go in my place & take Ty & Jo with him since Logan is sick. He preferred staying home with Logan & watching some March Madness basketball, so I got to go instead. It was such a Spirit-filled meeting. I love those meetings when it feels like everything the speakers have to say is an answer to your questions. Often it's questions you didn't know you had, but were glad for the answers anyway.

In RS, Christene Houston (the teacher that day) had some sisters in the ward read their scriptures daily for 1 mo. & come to report about how it affected them. I have to say, I just love Angie Moore. I wasn't sure about her when I first met her 2.5 years ago because she's very blunt & to the point. But now that's one of the things I appreciate about her the most. She's a truth speaker & she does it in such a way that makes you laugh but also makes you think. I love that about her! It was good to hear that such a faithful person, like herself, sometimes loses sight of what's important....that we all sometimes fall off the path a little. It makes me feel more normal to know I'm not the only one who doesn't always remember to read my scriptures daily. There were others that spoke, but none with the refreshing truth that Angie springs on us. :) It's a bonus she's intelligent & questions things like the safety of vaccines & other hot-topic things I feel passionately about!

Overall, it was a great day. Hopefully next Sunday will be better yet!

A new day

I feel like I should start this blog off with some significant post. I'm at a loss for words. I can't think of anything deep or meaningful to say. Isn't it crazy how the thoughts seem to just flow when standing in the hot shower, with no one talking to you or asking questions, yet when you take the time to sit down & write them down you draw a blank. I'm assuming I'm not the only one this happens to.

Over the past few days I've been emailing back & forth with a lady that owns a birth tub rental business. She's trying to sell it & the only thing holding me back from buying it is we have a few large expenses looming overhead in the next few weeks & my dh isn't having his best month at work. Being in sales it's feast or famine &, as everyone knows, you have to be prepared for the famine. So, being in the famine right now, it's hard to draw a significant amount of money out of the savings without putting every little thing under the microscope. I hate the microscope. I really prefer it when I don't need to know how much is coming in or going out, just that there's enough. It's a nice state of denial to live in.

We had the landscaper guy come out tonight to tell us what he could do with our dirt lot of a backyard. The HOA says we have to put in a back yard within the first 6 months of owning the home. It's been 7 now & I'm not up for a fight with them over a fine I'm sure to receive if I don't comply soon. We're putting one of those nice play yards out back for the kids too. We've been talking about it for a long time now....much longer than we've owned the home. The kids are so excited about it!

My oldest friend, Jessie, had her 5th baby earlier this week. She wound up with an emergency c-section, poor thing, & the baby is still in the hospital. It looks like the baby will be released soon, which is a blessed thing for everyone. I got a chance to talk with her older kids tonight. Man, I miss them! Especially the two oldest. They (Alyx & Kyla) were born a few days before my oldest & I helped raise them. We moved 1500 miles away almost 6 years ago & don't get to see much of them anymore. They live close to my parents, though, so I do get to visit them at least once a year.

Logan (18mo.) & Jordan (4.5 yrs.) are both sick so we won't be going to church tomorrow. I'm trying to convince dh to take Tyler (12.5) & just go without us, but we'll see how that goes. Hayleah (3 mo.) is starting to get a little cough, too. Hopefully, if she does catch this bug, it'll be mild & will pass quickly. It seems like every time Lo & Jo get sick, whether it's from a cold or allergies, they get croup. :( Poor kiddos. I hope Hayleah doesn't follow suit.